My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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