really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
