That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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