you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
