Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
