i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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