your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
