friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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