I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
