Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
