Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
