I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
