I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
