i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
