Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
