Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
