The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
