No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
