You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
