White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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