she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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