Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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