So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
