If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Come share oat with me in your robe
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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