Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
