speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
