Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
