Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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