when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
