thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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