The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize