I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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