oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i've created a new STD.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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