Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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