the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
