when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
