If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
