All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sober January is a disaster.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
