what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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