bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
