Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
