his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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