wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
