i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
