The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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