I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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