His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
