yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love you. Go after that dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
