Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
