you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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